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The 88ft (27m) royal barge Gloriana that will the lead the Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant is to be launched today. The pageant will sail / float from Wandsworth to Tower Bridge, and will consist of approx 1,000 boats involving 20,000 people to mark the Queen’s 60 years on the throne. It is rumoured (mainly by me) that David Walliams will be swimming in front of the boats to show Trenton Oldfield how it should be done, whilst attempting to earn his knighthood for being a malicious spiteful twat, who idea of comedy is to belittle people…………..wait a minute just like the Royals.

Meanwhile it has been reported Pippa has been to a debauched ‘Marie Antionette’ party with all the rich wankers in Paris and we know what happened Marie Antionette. Thats right she (by association) pulled a semi automatic weapon on a photographer and then dragged to the guilotine (or two – 16 years inside).

Perhaps Pippa will be on the front of Gloriana threatening to shoot all the Republic protesters, unless they Jubilee is overshadowed by the Trial of the Century?

As the phrase goes – ‘Off with her Head’

STOP PRESS: Just heard that no action is going to be taken by the French Police as it is believed that someone from London has intervened..hmmmmmmmmm I wonder who that could be M’am!