Just been speaking to my friend Mary, who with her husband Warren are throwing a big party this afternoon, with all friends and neighbours descending upon them this afternoon. However the one thing that wasn’t invited is the rain – fucking english summer – but still the party will now just take on a new theme, wax jackets, flat caps and wellies will be provided, whilst everybody can taste fucking stupid ridiculous flavoured cheeses and talking about Hirst’s latest monstrosity, whilst Jeremy Clarkson makes a complete prick of himself – or perhaps not.

Keep calm Mary I’m sure it’s going to be a wonderful day.